We need to be told “NO”.

People do not like to be told “no.” We live in a world where being told “no” can feel like a personal attack. In a time where the pursuit of personal privilege is paramount, it is easy to believe that we should always be able to have what we want when we want it. Denial of what I want is difficult to process when I am convinced that I am the ultimate authority on all things me. I can easily think, “Who are you to tell me no? I know what I want. I know what I need. How dare you deny me!”

We need to be told “no.”

When we are never denied anything, we become spoiled, self-centered, and foolish. I acknowledge that I am writing this from a place of privilege and I am not referring to denying people of basic human rights and dignity. Most of the people I encounter in my cultural context are in a similar position of privilege. We have varying degrees of wealth and power, but we all have more resources at our disposal than just about any culture in the history of humankind.

It is easy to get accustomed to being told “yes.” Good social skills, some charm, and a winning smile can go a long way in getting you what you want. We can start to expect that special requests will be accommodated and even begin to believe that certain rules do not apply to us. Being told “no” from time to time is a helpful way to recalibrate our expectations and remind us that limitations are an important part of life.

I occasionally enjoy worshipping in a Catholic Church. I find the liturgy, rituals, and full-sensory experience to be a powerful way of connecting with God and remembering who He is and what He promised to do. My favorite part is the communion moment. Since I am not a Catholic Church member, I am not allowed to participate in communion in a Catholic Church. My personal belief about communion is that God’s table is open to everyOne and that the only prerequisite for taking communion is the desire to receive God’s perfect grace and provision. While I personally disagree with the practice of closed communion, I can still enjoy respecting the Catholic Church’s position and refuse to feel offended when I am denied communion in their worship services. Sometimes the priest will offer to give non-Catholics a blessing if they want to come forward. Not being someOne who ever wants to pass up a blessing, I go forward to receive what they offer. I think that the real blessing though is being told “no.”

There is tremendous freedom in being able to graciously respond to “no.” I have a need to be told “no” because I need to be able to tell myself “no.”

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” (Luke 9:23 NIV)

Following Jesus requires active denial of self. How can I deny myself if I cannot handle being told “no” by others? The next time you are denied something you want, see it as an opportunity to grow in grace. Thank God that you can receive a “no” and that you have power to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. The next “no” you face may be exactly what you needed most.